When seeing potential blinds you to reality.

Stefan, a composite character drawn from several leaders I've coached, was discussing his platform lead Marcus. Marcus's clinical platform was now six months behind:

"Marcus is great at getting quality right, however, people are demotivated in the process, stifled. I recently spent three days, evenings included mending fences both with external parties and the team, getting everyone back on board. I have a life too!" Stefan's jaw was tight. "I don't understand why he won't make the leap!"

"Who else could have been on the phone for three evenings?" I asked.

The words hung there.

In our fourth session, something shifted.

We had been discussing the challenge Stefan faced with Marcus for an hour.

"What do you believe about this situation?" I asked.

"I believe that everyone can change, that if I approach this from the right angle, if I understand this, it can be solved!"

"What would letting go of this belief feel like?" I challenged.

"I don’t know, I really don't want to go there."

Between sessions, over autumn holiday, Stefan had a realization:

By taking too much responsibility for people's growth, he was rescuing them from their own learning. Not just Marcus – everyone. The hardest part for Stefan was accepting that, although much came from a place of compassion, when he had a stake in the outcome, care becomes corrupted.

Stefan decided he would work with me so he could create a new environment based on this insight.

We caught up half a year after our final session.

The hardest part of changing his leadership had been letting go of Marcus and learning where responsibility ends.

"Emma feels real pressure now. She's having insights I wanted her to have weeks ago" He mimed zipping his lips. "Three months to deliver."

He paused. "She might not make it. But the project will – others are stepping up. I'm sad if it doesn't work out for Emma, and have to accept it's in her hands not mine"

"Marcus seems to have found his fit though - head of quality control. Perfect for him."

"What about you?" I asked.

"I'm at the gym two times a week now. First time in years." He grinned. "Turns out when you stop carrying everyone else's development you have energy for your own. I'm sharper in meetings, make better decisions."

He paused. "I still catch myself overstepping sometimes. But now I realise that when I'm crossing personal boundaries, I'm the one building the ceiling."

“What is the best thing out of this insight?”

"The whole team can breathe again. Jack just secured a breakthrough partnership – he'd been working on it and with the systems in place he felt comfortable coming to me to pick my brain."

Stefan fell silent.

"The very best? I got my life back and I am rocking at work."

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What boundary are you overstepping?